Won't Give Up
by heartlandiansoisle
Summary: Amy is experiencing some unexpected feelings after her pregnancy, and Ty is worried. Mild dark themes, spoilers up to 10x04 A/N: I know you guys are probably hoping for a sweet story so I must warn you this fic won't be a very "happy one", but I wanted to explore a different kind of area with the Tamy pregnancy.


Entering the Heartland barn and hearing a baby cry wasn't an uncommon thing for Ty Borden these days. Usually one would hear nickering or snorting coming from the horses, but since his family now lived upstairs in the loft, there were sounds of a domestic life in the mix as well. Vacuuming, someone playing a record on the stereo, or laughing - that sort of thing.

Even though hearing the baby cry wasn't usually a nice thing to hear, for Ty it was a reminder that he now had a family of his own and they had a new addition to the family. It had been few weeks now since Amy and the baby had gotten back from the hospital, and even though he and Amy were sleep deprived, Ty still loved every minute of this phase of his life. Nothing could compare to the feeling he felt whenever he was holding his baby in his arms and singing him to sleep. He had never known a love of this kind; he'd always thought he could only feel something so deep toward Amy. In a way, loving the baby was an extension of his love for Amy, but it was also a different kind of love for this tiny human being as he was a person of his own, someone Ty was getting to know better every day.

"Amy, I'm home," Ty said as he climbed up the stairs.

As much as he loved his job and helping people with their pets and other animals, nothing compared to the feeling of coming home and seeing his family after a long day. It was hard to leave them behind every day, even if it was only for few hours.

As he stepped into the loft, his eyes scanned the apartment in search of Amy and the baby. Eventually he saw Amy lying on the bed, covered in blankets. Based on the way the crib was moving, the baby seemed to be in it.

Ty stared at Amy for a while before doing anything else. _Was she asleep? How was she able to sleep when the baby was crying so loudly?_ Ty himself was a heavy sleeper himself, but Amy had never been like that. She could hear one low sound and jolt up right away to wonder where the sound was coming from.

 _Maybe she was so exhausted she was dead to the world._

As soon as he got rid of his jacket, Ty walked to the crib so he could pick the baby and help him back to sleep.

"Hey, little nugget," Ty said, pressing the baby against his chest as he started to soothe him. When it seemed like it was slowly working, Ty's eyes went for Amy. He had expected to see her asleep, but she was actually awake, staring blankly ahead. "Amy…?"

There was no response of any kind; it was as if he or the baby weren't even there.

To get her attention, Ty walked on her side of the bed and sat down, still holding the baby close to him.

"Amy, hun…? Is everything okay?" he tried again.

Amy then turned on her back and stared at Ty. She looked strange, mostly exhausted, but also somehow empty, Ty thought. When he had left this morning, Amy had been asleep; looking at her now, Ty noticed she was still in her pajamas.

"When did you get here…?" Amy mumbled.

"Just now. The baby was crying; didn't you hear?" Ty asked, trying not to take a condemnatory approach but more like one of a concerned husband.

"Oh…" Amy noticed the baby in Ty's arms but did nothing to express her worry otherwise.

"Has he been crying for long…?" Ty asked carefully. He knew he could easily come off as someone who would be criticizing Amy's ability to take care of the baby, but that was not what he wanted. He only wanted to know what had happened while he had been at work so he would know what to do.

"I don't know… I tend to tune him out after a while…" Amy blinked her eyes slowly.

Ty looked at her, wondering if this was something Amy did a lot. He could understand that it was hard to listen to the baby cry and cry - he heard that during nights too - but if it had gotten to a point that Amy could no longer bear to hear it so she stopped caring, it sounded more serious.

Ty decided to change the subject, just slightly. "Have you fed him?"

"I don't– I can't remember." She knit her brows together. "What day is it?"

With those words, Ty knew something was wrong. Even though he knew it was easy to lose track of time without a routine, Amy wasn't behaving like a functioning person would be in a situation like this. Sure, he had noticed Amy had been tired, irritated even, but everyone had been saying it was normal, that it was just "the baby blues" because she was getting used to this new phase in her life. But now Ty couldn't just brush this off like it was nothing; he was worried for his wife.

"It's Tuesday. - Tell you what… Why don't you take a shower while I make you something to eat?" Ty said, caressing Amy's hand while simultaneously holding the baby against his shoulder with his other arm. "How does that sound?"

"Ty, I'm too tired to go to the shower," Amy said, turning again on her side, her back facing Ty. Ty did not have hard time believing Amy was tired; it was natural as she was at home all day looking after the baby, and he knew it was hard work. But she couldn't go on like this, especially if she didn't even remember if she had fed the baby.

"It'll only take few minutes," Ty tried. "It'll help you relax."

"I don't want to…" Amy argued.

Ty sighed, looking at her, not sure how much he could pressure her. "Okay," he said, trying to collect his thoughts. "I'll make you something to eat and I'll bring it to bed. I know you hate the crumbs, but if you're not getting up, it's the only option I have."

He got up, holding the baby gently but firmly and then put him down to the crib. Before Ty left the baby alone for a while, he turned on the mobile. The baby couldn't really tell what was in front of him yet, but at least he could hear the music and hopefully it would keep him calm so Amy could rest.

The baby might have been okay now, but Amy wasn't and neither was he. It was scary to see Amy like this, because it no longer seemed the kind of thing he could pull her back from by himself. He was ashamed that things had come to this and he had not seen them heading this way before, but at the same time Ty knew that he could not deal with this alone.

Amy needed her whole family.

* * *

"You did the right thing by telling us," Jack said after Ty had explained the situation with Amy to the rest of the family inside the ranch house.

Amy was asleep at the loft, and he had the baby with him. While it was hard for him to admit, Ty couldn't deny that leaving her alone with the baby made him feel uncomfortable now. Amy was a good mother - he knew that - but something had gotten a hold of her and right now she couldn't do what she was usually able to do, so Ty didn't trust her like he usually did.

"Quite frankly, it sounds like postpartum depression to me," Lisa said, looking at Ty sympathetically, hoping that it could give him some kind of direction. "I know people who have been through that, and it's really hard to tell the difference between that and the usual baby blues at first, but the way she's not even interested in the baby…" she trailed off, shaking her head. "It's raising the biggest red flag with me."

"Now that you mentioned it, she's been very… annoyed lately," Lou said. "But I just thought she's tired. I mean, people get annoyed easily when they are tired." She pressed a hand to her forehead. "How could I not have sen this?"

"If anyone should have seen this, it should have been me. I'm her husband," Ty said, pressing his cheek gently against the baby's head, almost as if he were asking for forgiveness. Maybe he had been too caught up with his work and learning all the new stuff that the baby brought along to see the warning signs.

"You're damn right." Tim didn't even wait to jump to Amy's defense after what Ty had said. "It can't be easy for Amy to be alone at home while you're at work, not to mention how alone she was when you were chasing those Gobi bears in Mongolia. It's no wonder she's depressed. She didn't have you here to support you when she was expecting that baby. Why would she care about the baby when you didn't even care about the baby when you ran off to help those damn bears?"

Ty could feel the irritation rise, but he kept his cool, knowing that this had been Tim's opinion all along and he didn't miss a chance to remind him about it.

"What kind of father would abandon his wife and kid when they need him the most?" Tim continued. "You would have noticed changes in her if you had been here."

Lou narrowed her eyes. "Dad, that's a bit harsh. It's not like you were the ideal father either while Amy and I were growing up." Shaking his head, Tim leaned back in his chair and frowned. Lou ignored him and continued. "Besides, we were all there for Amy when Ty was away, and we still didn't see this one coming. Ty's a great father and a loving husband. We're not talking about that right now. Our focus should be on Amy and how we'll help her."

"Lou's right." Jack looked at his granddaughter and then back at Ty. "What can we do?"

Ty shifted the baby to his shoulder. "I should take Amy to a doctor—see if they can give her a diagnosis or anything to help her with this. And Lou, if you could look after the baby while we're away, we'd really appreciate that."

"Absolutely. You really take your time. I love to spend time with the little nugget." She gave him a little smile.

"Lisa, maybe you could help tidy up the loft and make it welcoming for Amy for when we get back?" Ty suggested. "We haven't really had time to keep up with the cleaning as well as we should have…" he admitted shamefully.

"Baby takes a lot of your time now, so it's understandable. So don't worry; I'm on it," Lisa assured him.

"And Jack and Tim… can you take care of the horses? I know Amy's not herself now, but I know her well enough to know that she would appreciate it if she knew that someone would be exercising them," Ty continued, looking at the older men.

"You can count on us," Jack said, looking at Tim. "Right?"

"Right…" Tim nodded hesitantly. "But just so you know, I'm doing this for Amy and the baby."

"Look, Tim, I don't care if you're judging me for the choices I've made. I just wanna help Amy," Ty said, not wanting to let Tim under his skin. He caressed the baby's back, hoping they would be able to help Amy somehow. He knew it was no good for a child to live without the love of a parent or a guardian.

* * *

The ride to the hospital was quiet. Ty had helped Amy get dressed and had taken something for her to eat for the road too in case she got hungry. She had hardly anything eaten Ty had made her earlier.

"You want some music?" Ty asked after a while, hoping that would cheer her up. "Maybe some Royal Wood; you like them, don't you?" he said, already whipping out a mixtape he had once made for Amy.

"Ty, stop the car," Amy said.

In the past few months, whenever Amy had asked him to stop the car, it had been because she had been nauseous, but now that the baby had been born, that couldn't be it.

Without asking questions, Ty pulled up, wondering what was up.

When the truck was on the side of the road, he turned to Amy.

"What is it…?" he asked, shifting the gear to parking.

Amy stared out of the window and then opened the door.

"Amy, where are you going?"

But there was no answer.

"Damn it." Ty climbed out of the car himself. He rushed to be on Amy's side, but she was already making her way to the empty field. It was windy and cold, but Amy didn't seem to care. "Amy, where are you going?"

"I want to go away…" was her response.

"Go away to where?" Ty asked, now following her footsteps.

"Anywhere…" Amy said, her voice flat.

"What about the baby?" Ty asked. Amy stopped now, turning around to look at Ty. Something about the word baby always seemed to made her wake up from this trance-like state.

"Let's leave him behind. Let's go away together," Amy said. It creeped Ty out how there was no emotion behind Amy's words, almost as if she would have talked about someone she despised.

"Amy, this isn't you. Let me help you; let's go to the doctor." Ty walked closer and gently took Amy by the hand. "You care about him; I know you do. You're just… confused."

Amy stared at his hands, thinking.

"Ever since I told everybody about my pregnancy, they've been showering me with all this information about how to be a good mother and reminding me how I'm not taking things seriously. I kept telling myself that it'll happen - that the instinct would take over and I'd know what to do - because that's what mothers do. That's what everyone always tells you, anyway: that as soon as you see the baby, you know how to love them. But I just… I don't know how to love him. I'm nothing like those other mothers… I'm… broken…" Amy said, still looking numb. "There's something wrong with me."

"It's not always that easy. Sometimes it takes time," Ty said, truly believing that it was really just about the time. Amy was a loving person; she had love for her family, her friends, and the horses. How on earth would she not be able to love her own baby? Something was blocking her love for him; Ty knew it. "That's why we're going to the doctor's, so they can help you with that."

"Do you ever think about how much we fought to get here… to get married?" Amy asked, not phased by what Ty had just said. "Do you ever think maybe the universe was trying to tell me something? That I'm not cut to be a wife and a mother?"

"No, I don't," Ty said firmly, not liking at all what he was hearing, but also knowing that this was Amy's condition talking so he realized not to scold Amy too much about what she was saying. "We're meant to be in exactly where we are. I love you, and you love me. That's always been the root of this relationship and will always be. - Now, let's get in the truck before you get cold."

Amy no longer said a word, and when Ty gently pulled her with him, she didn't resist. It seemed like she was exhausted just to stand, which was probably why she did not protest.

When they were back on the road again and had been driving for a while, Ty looked at Amy, noticing she had fallen asleep. Her head was resting against the window and her chest was heaving softly. Usually Ty would have admired his sleeping wife - in a way he still did - but now he knew there was something lurking underneath that slumber, something that was way harder to fight than anything else they had ever been up against.

"I won't give up, Amy," Ty said, even though he knew she probably did not hear him. "You've always been there for me, and you never gave up on me even when there were times that I wouldn't have blamed you for giving up on me. Your love has made me into a better man so I could love you in the best way that I can. And now I know that I will love our baby the best I can. Don't you worry about a thing; it'll be all okay. We'll be all okay; you, Nugget and I."

As he said the words, he felt tears stinging his eyes. He tried to hold them back, but more and more tried to push through.

"I won't give up…" he said with a faint breath, one more time.


End file.
